I had an idea once, not too long ago. An idea that seemed passionate and plausible. The idea to take my 11 year documentary work as the mother in the midst of this family unit, my words and photographs of my family over the years, and compile them into a photo book worthy of every mother’s coffee table. It was an idea born out of a mid-life crisis, but a good idea nonetheless.
However, the second I sit down to actually do my homework on photo book publishing, I am filled with anxiety. The task is daunting, derailing and far less than positive. There are no rainbows and unicorns in this sky. The initial ping of a vision and spark of passion that I want so badly to be fanned into something powerful is cornered by the pulsing, steroid infused Doubt in the corner who is growing and filling the entire house of my body with it’s flexing and sweat. Whatever idea I had at one point has been thoroughly chased away by the monster of data on my computer screen telling me ‘what to do’ or ‘what not to do’.
And in the midst of all that, I am still here writing this. And starting something. Maybe a little something, maybe a big something, maybe something that I give up on or maybe something that ends up gluing me together a little bit more. Regardless, it’s something. And if you are willing to join that something, show me a little love by following, liking, etc. I’m not sure what will be posted in this process, probably a random assortment of all things related to this book and the process of putting it together as well as work that will make it in and work that will be cut out. I’m not sure how long it will take or how many times I will quit; how many times I will restart; how many times I will go dark. Not sure of anything.
But, if it doesn’t start as something now, it never has the chance to be anything later.
So, I’m going for it and with that, months ago, I put together this little blurb to help me understand what I was trying to do. Maybe it will help you, too.
Working Title: I Mother Broken
“A mid-life-crisis-of-a-memoir of one young woman’s journey into the depths of mothering. Like the subconscious itself, this book is a chaotic and enlightening mix of well planned photographs, vintage snapshots and impromptu phone pics representing the stream of consciousness of a life lived mothering. Punctuated by poetry, narrative, journal entries and bits of inspiration scrawled on napkins in no-name locations, it is her raw embodiment of the struggle to overcome the past, inform the future and just survive the present without losing her mind completely. It explores the realities of fighting for her kids while at the same time fighting for herself. A mid life crisis lived in the vacuum of motherhood. A work of utter beauty, eternally standing on the brink of something.”
I often need a little visual inspo…this is it today.
For now, all this process will live here on the blog and as excerpts on Instagram and FB, until I figure out a better way to organize it all.