It’s after midnight. I’ve just returned back from a foray on a dock by the light of the stars and it was incredible. Sound sexual? It wasn’t, literally. I was alone with a thick jacket and a blanket. But, from my conservative Christian background, an experience with the cosmos should never be sexual. Actually, nothing should ever be sexual, especially an experience with the cosmos. And that is for another blog all together. Or possibly only for particular personal conversations that are willing to break open the box…and/or something that ‘should’ never be said in public. Thus saith the Lord.
Needless to say, I’m flirting with the cosmos and today is the winter solstice. Or yesterday was at 2:02am PST. Not sure how to actually gauge the event, but the winter solstice marks the shortest day and the longest night of the year. It holds power enough to engage celebrations and rituals in multiple different countries and cultures throughout history. It is often touted as the ‘death and rebirth of the sun’ and excites the multitudes of humanity for it’s leaning into warmth and light and longer days; a turning point in the year moving into the direction of more sunlight.
But, let’s not forget. The winter solstice pays tribute to the darkness. It is a time of rest and reflection and acknowledgement and recognition of our own personal darkness. And the best I can do, despite my desire to make sense of this all and the power it has shown me recently, is to relay an impromptu conversation between a friend and myself:
And in the same breath and in the same couple hours of conversation, I have another friend who is potentially sitting there reading this and saying, WTActualF. You are full of total bullshit. Of course you make it sound bright with a tinge of darkness. Because…“You are afraid of darkness”. You make that pseudo darkness sound good, but, when push comes to shove, you feel like it’s necessary to pierce that darkness with rays of light. You cannot simply exist in your own darkness. Your words seduce the masses, but it’s not what you really need, not what will make you move in the direction you ‘should’ be going.
And, the truth is, it’s both. And the other truth is, they are both probably pissed I’m sharing this. And that is the beauty of a winter solstice and also the beauty of pain in the ass friends. They are there to aid you in the search for depth and create a space for you to explore light and dark in the exact same instant. And it is the beauty of contradiction. It is the beauty of complexity. It is the big giant mystery of existing as a human and experiencing light and dark things at the same time..
It is Winter Solstice without ritual and without proper conduct.
It is allowing the wonder of a cosmic experience infiltrate and influence your psyche to whatever degree it might. With the power it was created to have.
Decisions do not need to be made. Light does not need to be sought after. It is a chance to exist in the longest physical darkness of the year and pay homage to that experience.