Self portrait work is an interesting animal. Rabid, sometimes, feral almost always. But, despite it’s inconsistent and wild nature, and despite what (maybe) the general public views as the oh-so-commonplace selfie, I fully consider self portrait work, WORK. For anyone that’s doing it. There is so much to be learned when seeing ourselves subjectively. There is so much to say when choosing to portray ourselves a certain way. There are so many questions posed in the exploration that may or may not lead to answers, which is probably mostly not the point anyway. I’ve mentioned before that my self portrait work has functioned as therapy for me.
This particular shot was intentional. The way the light was navigated and placed was motivated by the direct bright light that enters my kitchen window every morning. The sink just beneath that I wash dishes in at all times of the day. I knew I couldn’t be in focus handholding this particular camera from only an arms stretch away, which was on purpose as well. It was the shot I was actually hoping for.
However, I wasn’t hoping to see what I actually saw when flipping this over. Because, quite honestly, it made me cry. And then it made me say, yep, that’s what you’re like right now. You are gonna have to face that. That is very real. You are split. A dark chasm of shadow that disconnects part of you from the other part of you. Split relationships, split loyalties, split personas, split psyches, split value systems.
Split. Split. Split.